DEFENDING MY RACE

I am so tired of having to defend my race to non-African Americans. I don't understand why people feel that one person can be a representative for an entire race. I don't consider myself some type of spokeswoman for every black person, nor do I want to be. How can I speak for people I don't know?

This has been going on ever since I can remember. I've always had a diverse group of friends. In high school and college. But I know plenty of people who only hang with others who think, look, and feel as they do. I don't think this is a healthy way of life, because you miss out on being exposed to different cultures and viewpoints.

In high school we had White stoners who only hung with stoners, a group of Asian kids who referred to themselves as the Asian Mafia, Black kids from one side of town who pretty much hung around with one another, and a host of other cliques. I try to have friends from different groups because you never really know what you can take from being around certain people.

Anyways, I had dinner with a friend of mine of a different race the other night, Everything was fine, but after dinner we took a drive through a few different neighborhoods with no specific destination. We happen to get on the subject on interracial dating. He described a situation where he and his lover were walking along Lake Erie when they spotted a Black woman and a White man walking together hand-in-hand. He said that there were some Black teenagers nearby who seen the couple and began to express their discontent at the interracial couple. The teens proceeded to say derogatory things to the couple who rightfully ignored them and continued their romantic walk.

That being said, my friend posed this question to me: Why do black people dislike seeing a black woman and a white man more than seeing a black man and a white woman?

I paused, a little taken aback. Part of me wanted him to let his question, obviously an unthought out blurt, marinate, so that he could retract his statement, but his expectant pause showed that he was sincere. I wanted to perfectly articulate a response, but I really didn't know what to say. Personally, I have no problem with who you date, race, gender, religion, whatever. But the way my friend asked the question made me feel that I was his only outlet into the black world, and whatever my answer was would be the concensus for the race. So after a few minutes of silence I said to him: "Well, I can't speak for all Black people, but this is how I feel." Then I gave him my opinion. He still didn't grasp the fact that I was offended by his question because he followed it with another: "Well, how come Black women get so mad when they see a White girl with a Black man?"

After another pause, I told him that I, a Black woman, don't get mad at a Black man for choosing to date whomever he wants, as long as he isn't using a hatred towards Black women as an excuse to date Muffy, Buffy, or Suzy. Then I told him that I can't answer for all 'my people' because I don't know them all.

I think about historical aspects of African Americans, and I understand some of the hostility, but every person's struggle is different. Racist, predjudice, and people filled with hate all feel the way they feel for particular reasons. Those kids at the lake weren't expressing the general beliefs of all Blacks. Instead, they were expressing ideas they learned from their parents, because those are usually our first teachers, and the people who teach us to love, hate, tolerate, or discriminate.


I'm an intelligent, Black woman but I refuse to explain my race to others anymore, ok? If you really wanna know why we feel that way we do, or do the things we do, pick up a book. Learn about the Middle Passage,Willie Lynch, the Souls of Black Folk, etc. and draw your own conclusions.

There is no general concensus or idealism that we all share right now, and I don't think that's a necessarily a bad thing. Some of us still feel oppressed, some of us don't. Some of us have a distrust for "the man", while others don't care. The bottom line is that we are all individuals, and our opinions should be dealt with as so.