DISCLAIMER: Hate is a terribly strong word, yet it applies to so much that I observe. I can say I hate things because I know the difference between hating, not liking and strongly disliking something. So, here's some of what I hate...]
-I hate when people say "conversating". It's conversing, dummy.
-I hate when people walk when the sign says don't walk, and then get upset when the cars damn near hit them
-I hate when young people don't give their seats up to the elderly, or pregnant women on public transportation
-I hate when people can't have an entire conversation without saying, "namean", or "yafeelme" a few dozen times
-I hate when women let men walk all over them because they have children with them
-I hate when men walk all over women even if they have children with them
-I hate when people only call you when they want something
-I hate when people want you to listen to their problems or issues, but fail to reciprocate when your time comes.
-I hate when I go into a store and try on a pair a jeans whose label claims to be my size, when they are actually cut a size or two smaller.
-I hate stores who only stop selling bras at D cups or less.
-I hate stores who sell matching bra and panty sets with big panties that I can't fit, but bras that fit ok.
So as not to seem bitter, the love post will soon follow.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
What happened to my Brown Sugar?
He has gone from a sexy, well-toned chocolate, caramel dipped Adonis, to a .....umm, I really don't know what. But I bet he'd place first in a ODB look-alike contest. I remember when the album Brown Sugar out. It was back in the summer of '95, and I was only around 12, but I knew it was sensual and perfect for chilling out. I would play that tape all day long while writing poems and dreaming of imaginary boyfriends. I remember arguing with my sisters over the "secret"meaning of the title track and dancing to "Lady" and the awesome remix with AZ, one of my fave rappers.
Fast forward to January 2000, 4 days after my 17th birthday when I bought Voodoo as a gift to myself. I had a portable CD player by that time, and I listened to that CD on the long ass train ride on the way home from school, or to work. It was a little weird, kinna trippy, but I was feeling it. My fave song of this collection was number 7, 'One Mo Gin', but the most memorable track for me was number 12, mainly because of the video which had women tippin their TVs over, as Monique says. At the time, it was the finest male body I had ever see in my life, and I remember how quiet the room would be when my sister and I were watching that video, which was in heavy rotation on BET.
Fast forward once more to now, when D'angelo has been quite obscure, only to emerge with a negative story. I feel for him, and I hope he gets his stuff together. I absolutely crave a new D'angelo CD. Now that I am older and wiser, I feel that i will be able to appreciate his music in a whole new way. I just hope I'm not disappointed for so eagerly anticipating great music in the market where mediocre rappers are outselling genuine vocalists, and half-ass singers are overshadowing true talents across the board.
To his credit, in the interim of a studio album, Dangelo has done impressive work with Erykah Badu, Raphael Saddiq, and baby mama Angie Stone. I even have his live album. I just hope his next effort is sexy, soulful, and memorable.
Conversations while riding the bus...Part One:
Him: (turning to me) You are reeeeeal pretty.
Me:(looking into his blood red eyes) Thanks
Him:You're welcome, do you have a boyfriend?
Me:(giving my usual answer when I don't want to be bothered)Yes, I do
Him:Well, can I be your (dramatic pause). . .toy friend?
Me: Nah, I'm cool. I'm not really into that.
Him: Aiight, I'll holla.
(then he stick his tongue out and wiggles it at me, I roll my eyes in disgust and pull the cord to get off at my stop)
Me:(looking into his blood red eyes) Thanks
Him:You're welcome, do you have a boyfriend?
Me:(giving my usual answer when I don't want to be bothered)Yes, I do
Him:Well, can I be your (dramatic pause). . .toy friend?
Me: Nah, I'm cool. I'm not really into that.
Him: Aiight, I'll holla.
(then he stick his tongue out and wiggles it at me, I roll my eyes in disgust and pull the cord to get off at my stop)
Monday, April 11, 2005
11 THINGS I NEED MY DUDES TO KNOW
In no particular order...
1. Wearing those long white t-shirts are not attractive. It should be a crime. I mean seriously, the woman should be wearing the dress, not the man. When I see a man wearing knee-length white tees I think about the times I stayed at my granny's and wore her gowns and old tees for pjs.
2. When we women hear men bragging about their dicks, or their overall sexual performance we know that they are more than likely lying. A real "packing gentleman" can be detected in several different ways, i.e. his walk (a.k.a. "the swagger"), the front of his slacks, and his confidence. Bottom line: Stop lying on your dicks!!!
3. When a woman rejects your advances, please know that it is not the end of the world. Just because your ego is slightly tarnished doesn't give you the right to call her a bitch, a hoe, or anything else. You really don't wanna know how many 'stuck-up ass hoes' I've been called just because I politely responding to someone by saying, 'I'm cool baby, but thanks anyway'. . .
4.Despite the Ying Yang making an entire song about whispering in a chick's ear, it's not hot to have some guy whose breath smells like hot garbage in a manure pile all in your face. Keep the oral hygiene tight, baby. In addition to the basic routine of brushing, flossing, and gargling, don't be afraid to pop a piece of Dentyne in your mouth every now and then.
5. No self-loving woman with common sense wants to be called "Hey Girl". Nor do we want to be called out by a description of our clothing. "Tight pants, tight pants," for example. Or calling ladies with big breasts whatever is on the front of their t-shirts...not sexy.
6. There is a such thing as jeans being TOO baggy. When you have to hold them up or they are below your ass, that's not a good look. You can be baggy and look decent with a belt.
7. It's never a good look to make babies and not take care of them. Plain and simple. Regardless of whatever the relationship with the child's mom, you should always strive to be good father. Sons need roles models and the male figures in a daughter's life (or lack thereof) will absolutely influence the men she deals with in her life.
8.The first time you call a girl, it's probably not a good idea to ask her a whole bunch of sexual questions like, "Do you suck dick?"or, "Have you ever been with a girl before?" If you let a little time pass by you will probably get a more honest answer.
9. Also, while we're on the subject, stop expecting more from a woman that you are willing to give. Whether it's in terms of sex, time, money, or whatever. If things are reciprocated there is little or no risk of someone feeling used or underappreciated.
10.This is a good one for men and women. You should never say what you will NEVER do. I've heard things like, 'Man, I'd never go down on a chick, I put that on err-thing.' or, 'I'll never spend money on no broad.' And my favorite: "You will never hear me crying over no chick. Ain't no pussy worth it". Well, when doth protests much, doth will do what he so blatantly claims he won't. I've seen it over and over.
11. PRIORITIZE, PLEASE!! Rims, and bling are not forever. You can't sneak chicks into your mom's basement forever. Set goals for your long-term well-being. Establish some credit. There is nothing wrong with driving a hoopty, living in a small apartment (that has your name on the lease) and working an honest job until you get something better. You can't hustle forever, pimpin' is dead, and your mother isn't going to live forever.
DISCLAIMER: Every man is not guilty of all of these things, yet everyone can improve themselves. This is in no way dissing anyone as I love all of my black brothers. This is simply a list of helpful hints for men much in the way Cosmo claims to help the ladies.
1. Wearing those long white t-shirts are not attractive. It should be a crime. I mean seriously, the woman should be wearing the dress, not the man. When I see a man wearing knee-length white tees I think about the times I stayed at my granny's and wore her gowns and old tees for pjs.
2. When we women hear men bragging about their dicks, or their overall sexual performance we know that they are more than likely lying. A real "packing gentleman" can be detected in several different ways, i.e. his walk (a.k.a. "the swagger"), the front of his slacks, and his confidence. Bottom line: Stop lying on your dicks!!!
3. When a woman rejects your advances, please know that it is not the end of the world. Just because your ego is slightly tarnished doesn't give you the right to call her a bitch, a hoe, or anything else. You really don't wanna know how many 'stuck-up ass hoes' I've been called just because I politely responding to someone by saying, 'I'm cool baby, but thanks anyway'. . .
4.Despite the Ying Yang making an entire song about whispering in a chick's ear, it's not hot to have some guy whose breath smells like hot garbage in a manure pile all in your face. Keep the oral hygiene tight, baby. In addition to the basic routine of brushing, flossing, and gargling, don't be afraid to pop a piece of Dentyne in your mouth every now and then.
5. No self-loving woman with common sense wants to be called "Hey Girl". Nor do we want to be called out by a description of our clothing. "Tight pants, tight pants," for example. Or calling ladies with big breasts whatever is on the front of their t-shirts...not sexy.
6. There is a such thing as jeans being TOO baggy. When you have to hold them up or they are below your ass, that's not a good look. You can be baggy and look decent with a belt.
7. It's never a good look to make babies and not take care of them. Plain and simple. Regardless of whatever the relationship with the child's mom, you should always strive to be good father. Sons need roles models and the male figures in a daughter's life (or lack thereof) will absolutely influence the men she deals with in her life.
8.The first time you call a girl, it's probably not a good idea to ask her a whole bunch of sexual questions like, "Do you suck dick?"or, "Have you ever been with a girl before?" If you let a little time pass by you will probably get a more honest answer.
9. Also, while we're on the subject, stop expecting more from a woman that you are willing to give. Whether it's in terms of sex, time, money, or whatever. If things are reciprocated there is little or no risk of someone feeling used or underappreciated.
10.This is a good one for men and women. You should never say what you will NEVER do. I've heard things like, 'Man, I'd never go down on a chick, I put that on err-thing.' or, 'I'll never spend money on no broad.' And my favorite: "You will never hear me crying over no chick. Ain't no pussy worth it". Well, when doth protests much, doth will do what he so blatantly claims he won't. I've seen it over and over.
11. PRIORITIZE, PLEASE!! Rims, and bling are not forever. You can't sneak chicks into your mom's basement forever. Set goals for your long-term well-being. Establish some credit. There is nothing wrong with driving a hoopty, living in a small apartment (that has your name on the lease) and working an honest job until you get something better. You can't hustle forever, pimpin' is dead, and your mother isn't going to live forever.
DISCLAIMER: Every man is not guilty of all of these things, yet everyone can improve themselves. This is in no way dissing anyone as I love all of my black brothers. This is simply a list of helpful hints for men much in the way Cosmo claims to help the ladies.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
DEFENDING MY RACE
I am so tired of having to defend my race to non-African Americans. I don't understand why people feel that one person can be a representative for an entire race. I don't consider myself some type of spokeswoman for every black person, nor do I want to be. How can I speak for people I don't know?
This has been going on ever since I can remember. I've always had a diverse group of friends. In high school and college. But I know plenty of people who only hang with others who think, look, and feel as they do. I don't think this is a healthy way of life, because you miss out on being exposed to different cultures and viewpoints.
In high school we had White stoners who only hung with stoners, a group of Asian kids who referred to themselves as the Asian Mafia, Black kids from one side of town who pretty much hung around with one another, and a host of other cliques. I try to have friends from different groups because you never really know what you can take from being around certain people.
Anyways, I had dinner with a friend of mine of a different race the other night, Everything was fine, but after dinner we took a drive through a few different neighborhoods with no specific destination. We happen to get on the subject on interracial dating. He described a situation where he and his lover were walking along Lake Erie when they spotted a Black woman and a White man walking together hand-in-hand. He said that there were some Black teenagers nearby who seen the couple and began to express their discontent at the interracial couple. The teens proceeded to say derogatory things to the couple who rightfully ignored them and continued their romantic walk.
That being said, my friend posed this question to me: Why do black people dislike seeing a black woman and a white man more than seeing a black man and a white woman?
I paused, a little taken aback. Part of me wanted him to let his question, obviously an unthought out blurt, marinate, so that he could retract his statement, but his expectant pause showed that he was sincere. I wanted to perfectly articulate a response, but I really didn't know what to say. Personally, I have no problem with who you date, race, gender, religion, whatever. But the way my friend asked the question made me feel that I was his only outlet into the black world, and whatever my answer was would be the concensus for the race. So after a few minutes of silence I said to him: "Well, I can't speak for all Black people, but this is how I feel." Then I gave him my opinion. He still didn't grasp the fact that I was offended by his question because he followed it with another: "Well, how come Black women get so mad when they see a White girl with a Black man?"
After another pause, I told him that I, a Black woman, don't get mad at a Black man for choosing to date whomever he wants, as long as he isn't using a hatred towards Black women as an excuse to date Muffy, Buffy, or Suzy. Then I told him that I can't answer for all 'my people' because I don't know them all.
I think about historical aspects of African Americans, and I understand some of the hostility, but every person's struggle is different. Racist, predjudice, and people filled with hate all feel the way they feel for particular reasons. Those kids at the lake weren't expressing the general beliefs of all Blacks. Instead, they were expressing ideas they learned from their parents, because those are usually our first teachers, and the people who teach us to love, hate, tolerate, or discriminate.
I'm an intelligent, Black woman but I refuse to explain my race to others anymore, ok? If you really wanna know why we feel that way we do, or do the things we do, pick up a book. Learn about the Middle Passage,Willie Lynch, the Souls of Black Folk, etc. and draw your own conclusions.
There is no general concensus or idealism that we all share right now, and I don't think that's a necessarily a bad thing. Some of us still feel oppressed, some of us don't. Some of us have a distrust for "the man", while others don't care. The bottom line is that we are all individuals, and our opinions should be dealt with as so.
This has been going on ever since I can remember. I've always had a diverse group of friends. In high school and college. But I know plenty of people who only hang with others who think, look, and feel as they do. I don't think this is a healthy way of life, because you miss out on being exposed to different cultures and viewpoints.
In high school we had White stoners who only hung with stoners, a group of Asian kids who referred to themselves as the Asian Mafia, Black kids from one side of town who pretty much hung around with one another, and a host of other cliques. I try to have friends from different groups because you never really know what you can take from being around certain people.
Anyways, I had dinner with a friend of mine of a different race the other night, Everything was fine, but after dinner we took a drive through a few different neighborhoods with no specific destination. We happen to get on the subject on interracial dating. He described a situation where he and his lover were walking along Lake Erie when they spotted a Black woman and a White man walking together hand-in-hand. He said that there were some Black teenagers nearby who seen the couple and began to express their discontent at the interracial couple. The teens proceeded to say derogatory things to the couple who rightfully ignored them and continued their romantic walk.
That being said, my friend posed this question to me: Why do black people dislike seeing a black woman and a white man more than seeing a black man and a white woman?
I paused, a little taken aback. Part of me wanted him to let his question, obviously an unthought out blurt, marinate, so that he could retract his statement, but his expectant pause showed that he was sincere. I wanted to perfectly articulate a response, but I really didn't know what to say. Personally, I have no problem with who you date, race, gender, religion, whatever. But the way my friend asked the question made me feel that I was his only outlet into the black world, and whatever my answer was would be the concensus for the race. So after a few minutes of silence I said to him: "Well, I can't speak for all Black people, but this is how I feel." Then I gave him my opinion. He still didn't grasp the fact that I was offended by his question because he followed it with another: "Well, how come Black women get so mad when they see a White girl with a Black man?"
After another pause, I told him that I, a Black woman, don't get mad at a Black man for choosing to date whomever he wants, as long as he isn't using a hatred towards Black women as an excuse to date Muffy, Buffy, or Suzy. Then I told him that I can't answer for all 'my people' because I don't know them all.
I think about historical aspects of African Americans, and I understand some of the hostility, but every person's struggle is different. Racist, predjudice, and people filled with hate all feel the way they feel for particular reasons. Those kids at the lake weren't expressing the general beliefs of all Blacks. Instead, they were expressing ideas they learned from their parents, because those are usually our first teachers, and the people who teach us to love, hate, tolerate, or discriminate.
I'm an intelligent, Black woman but I refuse to explain my race to others anymore, ok? If you really wanna know why we feel that way we do, or do the things we do, pick up a book. Learn about the Middle Passage,Willie Lynch, the Souls of Black Folk, etc. and draw your own conclusions.
There is no general concensus or idealism that we all share right now, and I don't think that's a necessarily a bad thing. Some of us still feel oppressed, some of us don't. Some of us have a distrust for "the man", while others don't care. The bottom line is that we are all individuals, and our opinions should be dealt with as so.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
What do you want to be?
Ask them...
What do you want to be?
They say...
I wanna be the dopest, the coldest, with arms the most froze
Let me be chilling the hardest, with the flyest people and see the livest things.
Ask me, I say.
Let me be the realist. Let me be the most focused, the most determined and the most grounded.
Ask them...
What do you want to be?
They say...
I wanna be the prettiest, sexiest, most beautiful.
Laced in the flyest clothes, iced out.
Most thugged out, with the hottest cars.
They ask me,
'Don't you want to be known for being the best in your field? With the most accolades and the critical acclaim?'
I shrug...I say
'Let me be the most giving, most humble, most genuine, and I'll be cool...'
What do you want to be?
They say...
I wanna be the dopest, the coldest, with arms the most froze
Let me be chilling the hardest, with the flyest people and see the livest things.
Ask me, I say.
Let me be the realist. Let me be the most focused, the most determined and the most grounded.
Ask them...
What do you want to be?
They say...
I wanna be the prettiest, sexiest, most beautiful.
Laced in the flyest clothes, iced out.
Most thugged out, with the hottest cars.
They ask me,
'Don't you want to be known for being the best in your field? With the most accolades and the critical acclaim?'
I shrug...I say
'Let me be the most giving, most humble, most genuine, and I'll be cool...'
Friday, April 01, 2005
A Long Walk
Wednesday, March 30 was a good day. In fact, it was one of my better days. The sun was shining so I was smiling big. I can't really be depressed or sad when the weather is lovely. I didn't have class, so I decided to get out of the house for a little while, and take a nice long walk...Jill Scott style, but on the solo tip. I walked past little girls playing, boys chilling on porches, and playing basketball in the park. I realized how nice my neighborhood is and how fortunate I am to live where I live where the crime is low, and the babies can still play. I loved it.
The more I walked, the more I thought. The more I thought, the more decisions began to form in my skull. I started concentrating on things I hadn't thought about in months, or years in some cases. I had good memories and bad ones. I thought about sneaking out of the house and never getting caught, my first kiss, and the first time my little heart was broken. I thought about the first man who ever said he loved me and whatever happened to him. I thought about my absent father, and his family who have kept their distance from me and my sisters for so long.
I thought about my maternal grandmother and all her quirkiness, well her annnoying ways. I thought about how she isn't going to live forever. I thought about how strong my mother is, and how she has raised me and my sibs to the best of her ability and beyond, and how some have strayed. I thought about my niece and how wonderful and awesome young life is. When I close my eyes, I see her pretty face and her cute smile, complete with slobber.
I thought about the most passionate night I have ever experienced, and wondered what he was doing right now, and what we would be doing if we were together right now. I thought about how unfair it is that we aren't together right now, and made myself a little sad. Then I felt better after reminding myself that everything eventually works out for the best.
I walked, and walked, and walked until I was about 2 miles from my house. I stopped to get water, and contemplated the walk back. The sun was beating down by now, and I was a little warm in my jean jacket. I damn near took the bus back, but I didnt have my wallet. So I turned around and started my journey home.
On the way home I thought about my future. I know what I wanna do, and where I want to be in the next few years. I started mapping out things in my head. I thought about what I needed to do, and my head started hurting a little, maybe it was the sun, but I'm assuming it was the fact that I need to get focused and force myself to think about these things more often. It's so easy to reminice on the past, but the future is hard to consider.
So unlike my first walk where many, many thoughts filled my skull, the long walk home was accompanied by a one track mind, and that is how Operation: Get it Together was formed.
The more I walked, the more I thought. The more I thought, the more decisions began to form in my skull. I started concentrating on things I hadn't thought about in months, or years in some cases. I had good memories and bad ones. I thought about sneaking out of the house and never getting caught, my first kiss, and the first time my little heart was broken. I thought about the first man who ever said he loved me and whatever happened to him. I thought about my absent father, and his family who have kept their distance from me and my sisters for so long.
I thought about my maternal grandmother and all her quirkiness, well her annnoying ways. I thought about how she isn't going to live forever. I thought about how strong my mother is, and how she has raised me and my sibs to the best of her ability and beyond, and how some have strayed. I thought about my niece and how wonderful and awesome young life is. When I close my eyes, I see her pretty face and her cute smile, complete with slobber.
I thought about the most passionate night I have ever experienced, and wondered what he was doing right now, and what we would be doing if we were together right now. I thought about how unfair it is that we aren't together right now, and made myself a little sad. Then I felt better after reminding myself that everything eventually works out for the best.
I walked, and walked, and walked until I was about 2 miles from my house. I stopped to get water, and contemplated the walk back. The sun was beating down by now, and I was a little warm in my jean jacket. I damn near took the bus back, but I didnt have my wallet. So I turned around and started my journey home.
On the way home I thought about my future. I know what I wanna do, and where I want to be in the next few years. I started mapping out things in my head. I thought about what I needed to do, and my head started hurting a little, maybe it was the sun, but I'm assuming it was the fact that I need to get focused and force myself to think about these things more often. It's so easy to reminice on the past, but the future is hard to consider.
So unlike my first walk where many, many thoughts filled my skull, the long walk home was accompanied by a one track mind, and that is how Operation: Get it Together was formed.
SONGS I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Common- The Corner---This is such a dope track, beat heavy with substance
Amerie ft Fabolous & Eve-One Thing--It's kinna sexy, and makes me wanna dance, plus it keeps me pumped in the gym.
En Vogue-Giving Him Something He Can Feel--Old school 90s remake of a classic, but it's so appropriate for me right now.
Will Smith ft Thicke-Switch RnB Remix--I just heard the reggae mix last night, so I officially am feeling all 3 versions of this song. Another one that keeps me sweating in the gym.
Sade-Your Love is King--Sade at her finest, I can't get enough of the song. It says so much.
Ray J ft Fat Joe-Keep Sweatin'--Once again, keeps me pumped in the gym, and I'm not even a Ray-J (or Gay-J as we used to call him) fan
Rupee ft Daddy Yankee-Tempted to Touch--I loves me some reggae, and this song is officially the Kevin Lyttle 'Turn Me On' of the moment for me
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