New Year's Resolution???

How many times have I made a list of all the things I plan on accomplishing within the upcoming year? I still remember the first list I ever made. At the very top was 'doing it' for the first time. That is so, so funny to me now. I think I was around 14 or 15. Also, I wanted to become a more serious student, even though I was doing alright in my classes. Well, neither one of them happened that following year, but I kept making those lists every December 31st. For whatever reason, following New Year's resolutions is never easy, especially for a procrastinator like me. Last year, I vowed to write a poem a day, and I did well for the first few months of 2004, then I fell into a slump. I think I said I would stop swearing as much, but I am just getting over the hump.

So in December of 2004, I am making a declaration...I will never write another list of New Years Resolutions again. All I will do is look forward to the future with optimism, and make sure that my goals are clear to me. If I don't get everything done, so be it. Whatever I do, I will make sure I do my very best. I would rather accomplish 5 things to the best of my ability, than finish 10 things half-assed.

So, now the question is: what do I want to do? For starters, I would like to finish my book. I have been working really hard to make this a quality piece of work. If I don't get the 9 to 11 chapters I would like to end with done, then I would like to have at least 4 well written chapters. I would also like to have a few more poems done.

Next, I would like to strengthen my strong friendships. The people I really consider friends have known me since high school, some junior high, and a few go way back to elementary school. I really want to get closer to the women in my life. I have very few female friends, (which is another blog entry within itself), but I would like to maintain my relationships with the women in my life. I think it's so important that we as women, especially black women, share bonds of understanding and sisterhood. We share so many experiences, insecurities and fears that it's imperative that we stick together. I have made it a point to compliment at least one woman each day. Not only does it make me feel good about myself, but as we all know, everyone loves a compliment.

There are many things I want to do, and I am very excited about 2005. I had a hard year, anyone who knows me can vouch for that. But there were high points that I cherish deeply, and people who know me can vouch for that as well. I lost friends, made friends, tried new things, welcomed my niece into the world, and learned the true meaning of unconditional love. I found out where my passion lies, and I dicovered my profound love for stilettos. I saw new places, read new books, and confronted one of my biggest fears. I cried in '04 and smiled more than I ever have in my adult life. I can honestly say I had more good days than bad. I lost myself and found myself over and over.

I will look to 2004 with fondness, and I will welcome 2005 like a new friend.