A few weeks ago, I ended a toxic friendship. My best friend of over TWENTY years is no longer a part of my life. I'm 25 years old, so having a friend for that long was really something. But all those years were all we had. For the first time since it happened, I'm really, really going over what was wrong with our friendship:
She was needy. She wanted to talk everyday, and got mad if I couldn't spend hours on the phone with her, talking about her problems. She would get pissed if I fell asleep on the phone if she wasn't ready to hang up.
She was very self-involved. She loved to tell her problems, yet she didn't stop to hear good advice, and she never wanted to listen to mine, and when I finally got a word in, she turned it into something about her.
She was insecure. Never wanted me around her man, never wanted to hear about my accomplishments....she was one of those women who calls and hangs up, always needs a man, hated me having new friends. If we went out (which was rare), she would hate if someone gave me attention and not her.
(The more I type, the more I wonder why the hell I didn't do it sooner....this sounds like a boyfriend more than a best friend)
She was jealous, always forgot my birthdays, and would rather gossip than look out for my best interest.
She didn't want MORE for herself. She hated education, and was satisfied with being mediocre. I love being around people who are going to motivate me to do more, be more, and see more. I'm not where I want to be in my life yet, but it helps to be around people who are doing fabulous things. My mother told me a couple years ago that I should watch out for her, and that she had some issues but I made excuses and I kept trying to forge a friendship where it was obviously dead.
I'm all about personal responsibility, but honestly I think I was a good friend. Maybe I didn't call enough, but I didn't think we had to talk everyday to be friends. I called and asked her how she was doing, how her family was, etc. This stings but it was necessary and these 3 weeks since we broke it apart have been good for me. I know that she has a side to tell, but this was mine and I've never felt so free in my life. If I could let go of an empty friendship after 20+ years, I can let anyone out of my life.
**6-26-08 UPDATE**
This friend sent me a text a few days ago letting me know that her grandmother passed. Her grandmother was a wonderful woman who really looked out for me during my jr high school years when she was head of the school lunch program, and I was really sorry to learn of her passing. I wasn't sure whether or not to reply via text or phone call, but ultimately I made the call. I let her know that I was sorry about her grandma, especially knowing how close they were, and that if there was anything I could do to let me know. I asked her to leave me the wake/funeral info and I would try to pay my respects or have my mother go since I was leaving town. She never responded. I reached out, did my part and I have let it go.
She was needy. She wanted to talk everyday, and got mad if I couldn't spend hours on the phone with her, talking about her problems. She would get pissed if I fell asleep on the phone if she wasn't ready to hang up.
She was very self-involved. She loved to tell her problems, yet she didn't stop to hear good advice, and she never wanted to listen to mine, and when I finally got a word in, she turned it into something about her.
She was insecure. Never wanted me around her man, never wanted to hear about my accomplishments....she was one of those women who calls and hangs up, always needs a man, hated me having new friends. If we went out (which was rare), she would hate if someone gave me attention and not her.
(The more I type, the more I wonder why the hell I didn't do it sooner....this sounds like a boyfriend more than a best friend)
She was jealous, always forgot my birthdays, and would rather gossip than look out for my best interest.
She didn't want MORE for herself. She hated education, and was satisfied with being mediocre. I love being around people who are going to motivate me to do more, be more, and see more. I'm not where I want to be in my life yet, but it helps to be around people who are doing fabulous things. My mother told me a couple years ago that I should watch out for her, and that she had some issues but I made excuses and I kept trying to forge a friendship where it was obviously dead.
I'm all about personal responsibility, but honestly I think I was a good friend. Maybe I didn't call enough, but I didn't think we had to talk everyday to be friends. I called and asked her how she was doing, how her family was, etc. This stings but it was necessary and these 3 weeks since we broke it apart have been good for me. I know that she has a side to tell, but this was mine and I've never felt so free in my life. If I could let go of an empty friendship after 20+ years, I can let anyone out of my life.
**6-26-08 UPDATE**
This friend sent me a text a few days ago letting me know that her grandmother passed. Her grandmother was a wonderful woman who really looked out for me during my jr high school years when she was head of the school lunch program, and I was really sorry to learn of her passing. I wasn't sure whether or not to reply via text or phone call, but ultimately I made the call. I let her know that I was sorry about her grandma, especially knowing how close they were, and that if there was anything I could do to let me know. I asked her to leave me the wake/funeral info and I would try to pay my respects or have my mother go since I was leaving town. She never responded. I reached out, did my part and I have let it go.
